Several People (Including Myself) Who Are Not Dust Function (Part One)

I mention all of this knowing that I could probably just ask Dust Function who (or what) they are, and they would probably just tell me.

Probably. Maybe. Perhaps.

In any case, Hungry Hour Music is currently working with a handful artists who either have completed projects and released them through our label or are currently working on projects that they plan to put out on the label. In the latter category, we have myself (recording as Android Invasion), Timothy Simmons, and brandon the wolf, whose real name is Brandon Heffley, a fact that he's not trying to hide. Or at least I don't think he's trying to hide it. I'll have to check with him on that and redact the last few sentences as needed.

It may go without saying that I've known myself for a long time. Perhaps not as long as some people have known me, but long enough for me to know that, barring some kind of Tyler Durden Fight Club scenario, I'm not posing as Dust Function. I'm too busy posing as Android Invasion for that, and before that, I was too busy posing as Zapatero, which turned out not to be much of a pose since I spent most of my time telling everyone that although I was posing as Zapatero, I was really Marc Schuster (or vice-versa).

If I learned anything from that escapade, it was that if I'm going to go around pretending to be someone else, I shouldn't keep shooting my mouth off about how I'm not really someone else. Which raises the question of why I keep telling people I'm Android Invasion, but that's another matter altogether. The point is that I can say with relative certainty that I am not Dust Function.

I'm also going to say with relative certainty that Timothy Simmons is not Dust Function, despite my initial suspicion that he might be. The reason I thought that Timothy Simmons was that when Dust Function first reached out to me, they made a point of mentioning his music along with mine when describing their style: somewhere between Timothy Simmons and Android Invasion. Who would know to make that comparison other than either Timothy Simmons or Android Invasion, whom I've already eliminated on the grounds of being me.

So I confronted Timothy Simmons and demanded to know whether or not he was Dust Function.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Timothy Simmons said to me.

"Don't you read my blog?"

"No," Timothy Simmons said. "I'm a busy man with a job and two children who are not yet old enough to drive. I don't have time to read your blog."

Timothy Simmons is an extremely well-spoken individual, I should note. And apparently very busy as well. Probably too busy, in fact, to go around masquerading as Dust Function, not to mention recording music under that name.

So Timothy Simmons is not Dust Function.


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