"Zen" drops tomorrow, and I still don't know who Dust Function might be. Kerri Hughes is still a contender, despite her denials on social media and threats of legal action if I keep saying that she's still a contender. So I hereby, for legal purposes, am stating categorically that Kerri Hughes is most definitely not Dust Function (even though there's still a strong case to be made that she is).
So if it's not Kerri Hughes, then who is Dust Function?
One other name that comes to mind is Bob DeVico. I've never actually met Bob, but we have some mutual friends. Or one mutual friend. And that mutual friend? Timothy Simmons. That's right. The same Timothy Simmons we immediately ruled out as a suspect. But here's the thing: When Tim and I were talking a while back about starting a label, the first person he mentioned as a potential artist was Bob DeVico. In fact, he said, Bob DeVico was interested in doing some experimental noise rock recordings with him.
"Wow," I said. "That sounds like fun! Can I get in on that?"
"No," Tim said with an air of finality. "It would just be me and Bob DeVico."
"Oh, sure, no problem," I said, holding back a tear. "Cool. I mean, yeah, just the two of you. Definitely."
But when I asked later about how the project was going, Tim was peculiarly cagey.
"What project?" he said.
"The project you were going to work on with Bob DeVico."
"Oh, um," Tim said. "That. Right. I don't know what you're talking about. Or even who you're talking about. Bob who?"
But I've been thinking: Tim definitely knew who I was talking about. After all, he's the one who told me about Bob DeVico in the first place. And when you listen to "Zen" when it drops tomorrow, you'll notice something about the drums: they have a natural, organic feel to them. In other words, they're played by a human. And Timothy Simmons is both a drummer and a human!
And don't forget: when Dust Function first got in touch with me, they explicitly mentioned being similar in style to both Android Invasion and -- say it with me -- Timothy Simmons.
So even if Timothy Simmons is not technically Dust Function, he may well be an accomplice -- and Bob DeVico may well be the mastermind.